Age, and Love!

 Fond memories flash across the mind,

Old melodies still make the heart flutter,

Familiar aches still wring the heart,

Yet we have aged!

They say, age is just a number....

Numbers muddled and forgotten!!

Time slipped through the fingers!

And here we are!

Greying  and withering and bending and....

And ageing!?

Those days of new-found youth,

Those moments of stumbling upon love,

Those years of friendship and promises!

It seems like yesterday!!

Those were yesteryears....

Now fragments of the past,

Yet close to the heart,

Bits and pieces of me!

Let me pick those up

And preserve in a box, 

Some day, some Pandora will open it!

Those bits will acquire wings and fly...

To the unknown, to the oblivion, to the freedom.

Questions, And Answers!

 Questions...  And answers, 

Even questions without answers! 

The soul is torn and pricked and pronged,

For answers which do not exist!!

I am My Mind, my mind is My Soul,

And I exist.... Beyond your questions!

Nothing bothers me now

Answers have never been the goal.

Catharsis!

 I promise myself that I will be happy.

Happiness escapes grip, like an illusion!!

I promise I will transcend the anxieties.

Anxiety and stress rule everyday life!

I promise myself tomorrow is a new day.

Depression too has a new face!

Can I find refuge in writing?

Venting out... Will it act as a catharsis?

May I just burn out all emotions?

And may I just emerge anew?

May the art prevail over the artist!

May it burn down the negative emotions!

May it purify the soul and crown it afresh.

Amen.

The Desert!

 Endless stretches of sand, 

And cold chilly gusts of wind, 

Blowing the grains from here to there.... 

That describes the innermost core of the heart! 

A sudden numbness seizes the arteries... 

The blood congeals and a stinging pain! 

Oh, the loss of that warmth of sunshine! 

The burning fire and zeal of youth! 

Shall I end it with a note of hope...? 

Of reclamation, redemption, of resurrection? 

The oasis stands in the distance

Cloaked in the semblance of relief!!

Love, its birth!

 Love can do miracles... 

You plant a seed, water it, nurture

And suddenly... Love blossoms! 

A beautiful thought, well-cherished, 

Finds expression in words... Love is born! 

A haunting tune caressing your mind, 

As a song gushes out... Love finds flight! 

A half-formed image in a morning dream, 

Suddenly becomes a reality...Love finds home! 

What's in love that's not Creation? 

What's in love that's not a part of us!

Betrayal

 The tingling sensation of betrayal

That never lets you sleep.... 

A single nerve throbs on the temple.... 

And a churning ache in the stomach!

A fuming rage that oppresses the brain-

The lies, told and untold,  

That take a monstrous shape.... 

Will the Phoenix rise again from its own ashes? 

Can it transform itself into a dove? 

The world witnesses the burning of the bird.... 

But resurrection is a myth, much awaited!

Pieces of life!

 The vase that I kept on the shelf... 

With so much care, such love

Fell on the floor and shattered into a thousand pieces... 

Each piece tells a different story, a different life.. 

Alas! There's no Mary Poppins 

To whirl the umbrella and fix it!! 

Fix it as before!! Is it possible?? 

Old friendships, old relationships... 

Are they existing in those pieces? 

One by one each piece shall be picked up:

Now the question remains..... 

Is fixing worth it?

Or should the pieces go down the gutter.... 

Memories, pleasant or otherwise 

Never bring happiness!! 

Still we live, with pieces of life... 

Perhaps collected in a jumble, wrapped in a cloth... 

Willing to discard, yet clinging to those hapless bits. 

Life is all about fixing...!! Or, unfixing, perhaps!

The Undaunted Soul

 No matter how much you crush me,

Trample on my confidence, 

Burn my self respect and get contented... 

I will survive and hold my head high... 

With useless pride for what I am, 

What I was, what I could have been, 

If my world was different... 

Suppose in another universe, 

Another plane of existence, 

I have done what I can dream about... 

Another  me has already achieved all 

The useless things that I falsely pride on... 

With that satisfaction I will gather the crumbled pieces, 

Pick each one, glue it, stick it and restore.. Myself! 

And the world will smile again, 

Sing with me, and join me in my revelry! 

The soul cannot be chained... 

Free as a bird will it fly... Higher and beyond!

SOLITUDE

 Oh Solitude, you are so sweet!!

The balm of a tired soul, 

The companion of a word-worn mind....

You heal best...

You love the most...

And the mind, once free of thoughts, can breathe....

Lonely amidst the crowd, 

Torn and wounded in arguments,

The heart flutters to escape.....

To escape and hide in a place 

Unseen and unknown and forgotten!

Then oh Solitude, you embrace and soothe...

You collect the thoughts, suspend them 

And calmness descends on the mind...

The muscles ease, the veins throb no longer...

Silence is music to the ears!

Time, lines for you

 Time, you were plenty in childhood.

I could close my fist and have you in it,

Forever for me, forever under my control!

Time, you were in your high spirits

In my youth, I could carry you on my shoulders, 

And you will run with me

As a friend, always beside me!

Time, in my middle age,

Overworked, overburdened, I plead

With you to take me with you,

Yet you elude, evade and run

Ahead of me, I cannot keep pace.

In my old age, Time, will you sit with me

And have a cup of coffee?

We will talk our hearts out,

Blame each other, and love each other,

Like old mates...

You will hold my hand and take me on a ride

Through faded, half- forgotten alleys.

We will laugh, we will cry...together!

Time, I will have you then forever...

Forever as mine!!

Sometime in the past...

 The soft touch of the grass drenched in dew

The liquid touch of raindrops on the face

The hard solidarity of the rock

On which one stands to view the waves.....

I saw them all.

I felt them all.

When?

Sometime in the past.

The Google Photos may know-

I can't recall.

The day I stood on the beach,

And seemed to get sunken in the sand,

As the waters receded, caressing my feet-

The day I stood on the top of a hill,

And embraced an entire town

With my open arms....

When?

Sometime in the past.

Facebook knows it, the Memory

Popped up the other day...!

I can't recall.

The idle ramblings of a tired mind-

The floating images in front of eyes-

When was the last time I felt alive?

When was the last time I slept

Without the hurry of waking up?

Was it sometime in the past?

Was it sometime the other day?

Does Google know it?

Does Facebook show it?

No, I guess so.

But there used to be such a time

In the past...in a dream.. in some trance...

The moments flickered, and...got lost!

Impossible to retrieve!

I exist!!

 Cups of black coffee

Bouts of puking

Loads of paper

A mute large screen

Lack of sleep

A vein throbs in the head

I give up 

I quit

Every night.

The alarm goes

A morning comes

New hope, new beginning

Again a cup of black coffee

I give in

I fight

I struggle

I exist

Somehow!!

#earlymorningranting

It is good to be back!!

 'Tis good to be back

To the known corridors, the classrooms

'Tis good to face the class....

Not the screen anymore...

Students, not muted windows,

Refusing to show faces!

'Tis good to have a hearty talk, 

To get infected by their vibrance, 

Energy, cheerfulness, presence....

But...the pulse is somewhere missing!

The mesh of masks, the smell of sanitizer....

Still there's life, triumphing over

The numbing thoughts of Death-

The Sick, the Fear, the Hope, the Despair....

The predominant emotions in the year last.

Yes, ' tis good to embrace 

The semblance of normalcy-

To feel, to laugh, to behave

As if life is back to its usual pace.....

It will be good to be back to 

Whatever was, used to be-

The known, the mundane, the very very ordinary!!

'Tis good to dream, hope and wish....

'Tis good to be back!

FAILURE!!

I sit here and wonder
Why words and emotions escape
My mind, my fingers, my pen,
And I fail to write.

Yes, it seems, a giant full stop sits
At the end of my line of thoughts.
A finality- an end- a destiny.
Yet I take up a pen
And scribble words on a blank paper.

I must write, to stay awake, alive....
Thoughts overlap, a word tumbles over another..
Some come, some falter, some disappear...
" As though of hemlock I had drunk"...
Keats- I bumped into him in the maze of words...
The erratic musings of a wandering mind!

But I must write to stay awake!
Awake, alive, alert, awake....
Somewhere deep down in the heart
A vein throbs, a painful cry pushes up
And gets choked in the throat.
A failure, hard to accept!
I sit with a pen and accept it.
I can't write, yet I stay alive!
Alive? Or living? Does it make a difference?

QUESTIONING YOU, LOVE.....

When dreams vanish in bubbles.........
And reality bares its teeth..........
I grope for bits of hope, and
Shreds of desire come in hand..........
LOVE, will you redeem me?

SILENCE, WHERE ART THOU?

A thousand words…

Clashing and gnawing at each other…

Baring teeth and jaws…

Jeering at those unspoken thoughts,

That mingle into a single emotion!

How despicable is speech sometimes!

Silence, pregnant with unuttered emotions--

A bliss to be experienced!

FEELING SUPERANNUATED

Feeling superannuated……

Yet the untamed mind refuses to idle.

The painful weakness grips every limb

And a mournful cry remains unuttered;

I want a release, a freedom to be myself,

Yet every move seems superfluous, and

At the same time inadequate, unbearable.

This excruciating torture of being hollow,

Of being reduced to empty nothingness,

Gnaws ant my heart and rends the soul.

Deliver me, deliver my mind, I want to be free……..

Let me live, body and soul, and feel life as it is.

ON ILLNESS

The sunny days decide to have a peep into my room,

The golden rays make delightful images on the wall,

And I lay groaning in my bed, deprived of freedom…

I can’t stand at the window to listen to the birds’ call.

I twist and turn and try hard to cast aside the fever,

Which grabs my hands and feet in a strong icy grip,

And burns up my body in a fiery blaze of torture…

My mind can’t work as thoughts seem to fall and slip.

Menacing weird shapes keep haunting my slumber…

And endless nights are threatened with nightmares…

Lying in bed, I find my days dull and nights sombre,

Idleness wraps up the mind and body in countless layers.

May I be delivered from this tormenting existence?

May I be able to bear these days with calm patience?

PARADISE GAINED.......

I chose words carefully, wrote them down,

And read and revised a number of times

Before I sent them your way…..

I trembled happily, sang a careless tune,

Dreamt with open eyes, saw endless visions

Before I got carried away…..

Suddenly a thought crept into my mind

And my heart missed a beat as it said:

“What you sent were merely ideas stray,

Your deep love, you failed to convey.”

I was shocked as I felt I was blind,

My heart can’t be shown in the poem I made.

As I lay in my sorrow, crestfallen and distressed…..

He called me, and my spirits were uplifted!

He said, “My dear, words are hopelessly inadequate,

Listen to the beats of my heart, it is as passionate.”

The words dissolved…..

The visions melted…..

I lost myself

And gained Paradise!!