FAILURE!!

I sit here and wonder
Why words and emotions escape
My mind, my fingers, my pen,
And I fail to write.

Yes, it seems, a giant full stop sits
At the end of my line of thoughts.
A finality- an end- a destiny.
Yet I take up a pen
And scribble words on a blank paper.

I must write, to stay awake, alive....
Thoughts overlap, a word tumbles over another..
Some come, some falter, some disappear...
" As though of hemlock I had drunk"...
Keats- I bumped into him in the maze of words...
The erratic musings of a wandering mind!

But I must write to stay awake!
Awake, alive, alert, awake....
Somewhere deep down in the heart
A vein throbs, a painful cry pushes up
And gets choked in the throat.
A failure, hard to accept!
I sit with a pen and accept it.
I can't write, yet I stay alive!
Alive? Or living? Does it make a difference?